Until public-transit officials make our dream of commuting to work by rollycoaster a reality, we'll have to settle for the adrenaline rush of traditional pick-me-ups. Percolate perkiness with today's Groupon: for $5, you get $10 worth of coffee, espresso, and sandwiches at In the Company of Thieves, located on East Johnson Street. This deal is not valid on drinks from the fridge.

In the Company of Thieves satisfies caffeine cravings with French-pressed coffee supplied from regional roasters such as Kickapoo, Anodyne, and Just Coffee. Hustle-and-bustlers can pick up a 16 oz. cup of joe to go ($2.08) and savor the 100% organic flavor as they start their day. Those needing an extra jolt before they host the 36-hour "Save the Gremlins" marathon can imbibe a rich and frothy two-shot latte ($3.75). Enjoy lunch within In the Company of Thieves' comfy storefront or outside with its outdoor seating, as the café's chef puts together hearty sandwiches, such as a scrumptious turkey and brie panini ($6.59). The café also features a wide-array of palatable pastries, meaning you can dip a scone ($2.64) into a cup of java. Iced coffees and chilled smoothies are flavorful ways to cool off on a hot day, and the free WiFi (with purchase) gives college students a chance to study, procrastinate, or write their thesis on procrastination studies.

Groupon Says

Binder Finder

My Trapper Keeper has a picture of the Spice Girls on it with their eyes scratched out by a compass needle.

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When Eisenhower designed the Interstate Highway system, he envisioned a lawless, death-race arena where only the fastest could avoid being killed by mechanical gulls. Experience a thrilling fraction of his racing dream with today's Groupon to DriveTech Racing School at the Madison International Speedway in Oregon on Saturday, September 18 or Sunday, September 19. Choose from the following two deal options:

• $149 for a 15-lap shootout against other student drivers/participants (a $289 value)
• $39 for a five-lap ride-along package with a professional driver (a $79 value)

DriveTech provides instruction for fledgling racecar drivers on a variety of professional racetracks across the country. Ride shotgun for five laps with a professional driver for a heart-pumping, really fast thrill ride in a safe environment that's completely free of Kurt Russell. Alternately, the 15-lap package lets you actually take the reins of a professional stock car. After a round of basic classroom instruction, you'll get to take the wheel for 4-5 practice laps followed by laps of proper green-flag racing that will leave your hair mussed, eyes bulged, and torso coated in corporate sponsorships. Both experiences eschew straight, open road in favor of high-speed turns, a hallmark of stock-car racing.

Stock-car racing is a grand American tradition, smelling, like most American traditions, of baseball players, McDonald's apple pie, and diesel fuel. Whether you choose to ride along or grasp your own racetrack-based destiny by the rubbery horns, you'll find nothing but professionalism and experience from the DriveTech staff. Drivers are veterans of Busch North, and cars, which include Chevrolet Monte Carlo, Pontiac Grand Prix, and more, are meticulously maintained.

All drivers must be 18 or older and have a valid driver's license. Side by side riders must be 14 or older. Reservations will be online and slightly limited, so don't wait to call.

Groupon Says

Driven to Destruction

When you enter an illegal cross-country auto race, the only rule is "don't fall in love."

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Words, often criticized for being too concrete, have been slowly falling out of favor, with authors preferring to tell their tales via pop-ups, photographs, and interpretive ketchup blobs. Share your photographic memories with today's deal: for $10, you get one 20-page 8"x8" hardcover photo book (a $29.99 list-price value) from Shutterfly. This Groupon cannot be used toward tax or shipping and handling, which starts at $7.99; it expires on November 22, 2010, and is limited to one per person.

Photo books contain 20 pages or more (up to 101 pages available for an extra charge) of photographically preserved time, printed on high-quality photo paper and professionally bound in a sturdy hardcover fold. Photo books are constructed online using the simple process of Shutterfly's Storyboard tool—choose your style, edit your pages, customize your cover, and preview your finished book. During the style stage, choose from multiple backgrounds, such as fibrous, flaxen wheat, to vividly complement the portraits in the foreground. The subsequent step provides an opportunity to easily edit photos and add short captions, such as "Billy, Age 2," or "The Velociraptor That Ate My Top Hat." Depending on the chosen layout, up to sixteen photos can fit on some pages, and if 20 pages do not provide enough real estate, additional pages can be added for $1 each. It can take five minutes to create a book; see how easy it is here.

The keepsake compilations are built to last, ensuring their presence will spruce up any coffee table, personal library, or stack of books for a long time to come. Whether the book is a gift for yourself or someone else, it will spellbind all viewers, who will wonder how to navigate its analog pages without a keyboard and mouse. In addition to producing tangible mementos, Shutterfly allows users to store and share any photos in online albums, which can be digitally passed onto friends, family, and Abe Vigoda.

Groupon Says

The Invisible Animal Kingdom

Which branch of the government is working on invisible sharks?

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Long ago, Scottish polo players longed for a game where they could explore scenic terrain, ride an obedient mechanical horse, and wear more courageously plaid knickers. Marvel in their subsequent invention with today's Groupon: for $16, you get an 18-hole round of golf, a cart rental, and two tokens for the driving range at Kestrel Ridge Golf Club in Columbus (up to a $34 value).

Kestrel Ridge offers more than 6,000 yards of expertly maintained terrain that challenges pupils of the pendulum and guru golfers alike. The course layout, which can be easily navigated behind the wheel of a cart, features long, open fairways, strategically placed sand traps, rolling greens, and water hazards where balls go when feeling down about not being dimply enough. Warm up before playing, or take out post-round frustrations with two driving-range tokens (about 50 balls total), which can be used to whack orbs on a grass area or rubber mat.

You must be at least 18 years old to drive a cart.

Groupon Says

The Right Club for the Right Job

Did you know golf shoes were originally worn by American "Fighting Clowns"?

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Dirty windows cause nasty neighborhood gossip, uncertainty over who is stealing your yard gnomes, and overconfident doors. Prevent household drama with today's Groupon: for $40, you get $80 worth of residential window and gutter cleaning from Fish Window Cleaning. This Groupon is valid for all of Dane County.

For 32 years, the friendly crew at Fish Window Cleaning has meticulously cleaned gutters, windowpanes, and pained windows throughout the St. Louis area and beyond; the fast-growing business is also a Better Business Bureau TORCH Award Winner. Fish's uniformed professionals will de-clutter gutters ($125 average) and clean windows inside and out ($4 average per pane of glass) until your home hums the rubber-ducky song in the tone of hygienic satisfaction. When cleansing windows' exteriors, each cleaner will evict grime caused by dust, rain, and wayward bugs, and when sparkling the interior side of windows, they'll treat your furnishings and fixtures with respect. Pricing varies by house.

New clients only. Not valid for commercial cleaning.

Groupon Says

Behind the Windows

Will neighbors be as impressed with your stolen paintings as the police?

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Though party platters traditionally are used to tote hors d’oeuvres, an empty tray can be repurposed as a sled, manhole cover, or skull plate for Brian Dennehy. Keep the party on the platter with today's Groupon: for $27, you get a sausage-and-cheese tray (a $54.85 value, tax included) at Wisconsin Cheese & Wine Chalet, located in Edgerton. You must pick up the tray in-store.

Dozens of local products and cheeses populate the comfortable confines at the Wisconsin Cheese & Wine Chalet, where a knowledgeable staff greets guests with friendly grace. Catch the breeze on the outdoor patio, or sample from the wine selection as the team prepares its signature Wisconsin Cheese & Sausage 18-inch tray, a massive mound of meats and cheese perfect for sating starving Labor Day revelers. The platter arrives stacked with one pound each of mild cheddar, colby jack, and pepper jack cheeses from the Wisconsin Cheese Company. The array of summer sausages includes 12 tasty ounces of the Wisconsin Sausage Company's original, garlic, and cranberry summer sausages, each crafted from 100% Angus beef.

Groupon Says

Alternatives to Food

Using the Game Genie on Steak Dinner gets you 2,000 dessert points.

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A tortilla makes a handy mouse pad, an acceptable patch for stiff denim jeans, and, if you draw a face on it, an ideal companion on fishing trips. But there are many other uses for it, as today's Groupon proves: for $12, you get $25 worth of tantalizing Mexican cuisine and drinks at Las Cazuelas Mexican Restaurant.

Las Cazuelas, which recently earned praise from the A.V. Club Undercover, serves traditional Mexican dishes in a casual, upbeat environment. Ignite intake with an appetizer such as queso fundido, which is a dizzying swirl of creamy monterey-jack cheese, melted over poblano peppers, mushrooms, and chorizo smoked in a wood burning oven ($6.95). Other wood oven specialties include pollo rostisado, a roasted whole chicken protected by the savory flavors of onions, mushrooms, and jalapeno peppers ($13.95). The babacoa oaxaquena lulls lamb into a state of tenderness with the hypnotic aroma of avocado leaves and guajillo pepper sauce ($16.95), and the Chamorro, a slow roasted pork shank, is enhanced by an imported Amarillo mole sauce from Oaxaca, Mexico ($16.95).

Brightly painted walls, u-shaped booths, and Mexican artwork create an intimate and authentic air within Las Cazuelas’ dining room. The friendly and attentive wait staff will answer any questions you have concerning the dishes, the décor, or the day Dennis the Menace went off the air. An outdoor patio is available during the warmer months for diners to fill their lungs with fresh air as they fill their tummies with crispy tacos.

Not valid during happy hour from 3:30 p.m. to 6 p.m.

Groupon Says

Enunciation Station

In Mexico, you sound like a robot.

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Massage was developed by NASA to help astronauts cope with edgy Tang-induced sugar highs, lack of ESPN, and predatory aliens stowed away in the hangar bay. Achieve its soothing effects outside the soul-crushing abyss of outer space with today’s deal: for $37 you get a mini-Oasis getaway (a $75 value) at Oasis Day Spa on Watts Road.

For 12 years, Oasis Day Spa has offered massage and spa services to the beleaguered public. The 90-minute mini-Oasis getaway begins with a half-hour massage, which will relax muscles, improve circulation, and launch clients on a mind-bending pleasure quest through the 63-moon retinue of Jupiter. If the massage hasn't left the body as limp as a blobfish, the client will then sit atop a pedicure throne like a divinely ordained spa monarch while registered estheticians pamper the lower paws with a fancy foot treatment that includes a foot soak, scrub, buff, and massage with Bioelements skin care products. The getaway culminates with sparkling wine in a private, candlelit whirlpool with jets so soothing they feel like they’re powered by imported pygmy elephants.

Whatever stresses have been building in your sensitive connective tissues, a visit with the friendly professionals at Oasis is sure to aid what ails. On-site childcare is available for $10 and includes a room full of toys and activities with the childcare professionals of the Princeton Club. Pamper yourself or surprise your partner with a getaway for themselves as an anniversary gift, Valentine's Day present, or in recognition of National Pet Oral Health Care Month.

Groupon Says

Day Spa: Nights

What kind of spa is riddled with vampires and insanity wind?

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Untenable working conditions, such as cooking without proper tools, can lead to violent eggs-benedict uprisings, peasant-chicken revolts, and cereal-boxer rebellions. Quell ingredient insurrection with today's deal: for $20, you get $40 worth of kitchen goods, tools, and more from The Kitchen Gallery in Marquette, just northeast of downtown.

The Kitchen Gallery features around 2,000 products in its diverse and expansive store. All manner of kitchen utensils and accessories are available from TKG to aid chefs throughout all stages of food preparation and consumption. Practice your speedy onion dices with a Kershaw Shun Wasabi Santoku knife ($34.95) on a brand-new bamboo Hana grooved cutting board ($12.99), both ideal for menacingly polishing in a front-porch rocking chair. Mix and mash to your heart's content with a Duralex Lys nine-piece nesting-bowl set ($25). Use the 11" barbecue wok/stir-fry non-stick pan ($9.50) for Asian-infused meals or as a highly ineffective canoe paddle. Finish your fabulous feast with a chocolate-dipped delicacy made with a 12-piece Fest chocolate-fondue set ($28), along with some after-dinner caffeine from a Chambord 32 oz. French press ($39.95).

The friendly staff at TKG can offer suggestions on the perfect paring knife or ideal toaster, but the best advice always comes from Milo, TKG's own canine Martha Stewart. Milo can advise you on the most flattering apron for your figure ($31.99–$32.95) and make gift suggestions for weddings, housewarmings, or celebrations for the newly spayed and housebroken.

This Groupon is valid for in-store purchases only. Prices and selection may vary from website.

Groupon Says

Know Your Knives

Why are undead samurai offering to clean your gutters?

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The earliest salons were informal gatherings where B-list philosophers gibbered away so they couldn't hear themselves dying of plague. Get an earful of the modern salon’s soothing hair-dryer purrs and scissor chop-chops instead with today's deal: for $30, you get $65 worth of services at Hybrid Salon.

Using high-end Redken 5th Ave NYC products, Hybrid Salon's stylists transform wayward strands into obedient cranial coverings craving the catwalk. The service menu sports all of the beauty basics, including haircuts for women and men ($31+), all-over color ($45+), highlights ($71+), perms (priced upon consultation), and straightening treatments ($150/hour). To nourish your noggin noodles after a summer spent basking in the binary suns, opt for a re-conditioning treatment ($20). If your focus is more facial, make your countenance dolphin-smooth with a facial wax ($15).

Each highly trained stylist at Hybrid brings distinctive skills and experiences to his or her pair of scissors, but the staff is united as a cohesive team by a shared passion for customer satisfaction. Your appointment will begin with a brief consultation to ensure you receive a one-of-a-kind 'do that suits your one-of-a-kind personality, and then before you leave your stylist will set you up with the styling know-how to maintain your mane from home. Call ahead to make an appointment.

Hybrid Salon is closed on Sundays.

Groupon Says

Making the Cut

I like the cut of your cut. Welcome to the big leagues, kid.

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